Entitled Children

In this Family Tree blog post, she writes about how a colleague of hers bought his 18-year-old(!) daughter a new SUV, and reflected on her past car ownership experiences.

I'll reflect and say that I was a bit spoiled (and still kind of am) because my mom did help me to purchase two cars (one used and one new) that I owned in the past, but I really like what one of the commentators said to this particular post:

My parents didn't buy me a new car when I got my license, they didn't buy me a new car when I graduated from high school or college. I was always lucky enough to borrow their car. When I finally bought my first car, it was an accomplishment, something I earned and could look back upon as having achieved on my own.

Though I envy the new SUV your friend bought his daughter, he hasn't taught her anything. He has deprived her the right to achieve a goal and take pride in her accomplishment. Hopefully, she's a good kid that won't grow up feeling entitled, that everything needs to be fair. As parents, we should teach our kids resiliency and relying upon their strengths, while recognizing their weaknesses. This is the best gift a parent can give their child...it will contribute to their personal growth and hopefully success in life.

I don't mean to rant, but sometimes in wanting to make our children's lives better than our childhoods, we prolong their dependency as our children and don't allow them to fully grow as adults. My daughter knows I love her and we are a close knit family. At her young age, she's won some well earned recognition from school for fundraising (all on her own) and donated some of her recycling money to the Hawaiian Humane Society. She may not have a Wii, but she has a big heart and a willingness to work hard for things she wants.
08/13/07 @ 16:48

It's somewhat difficult because we do want to make our children's lives better than ours, but my goal is to raise a child that doesn't feel entitled to such things as a brand new SUV and a Wii. Yes, the 18-year-old daughter might have "worked" for it somehow, but it does seem to subdue that willingness to work hard, sense of accomplishment, and especially personal growth.

But what do I know, I'm just a rookie parent.